When discussing the topic of relationships, sharing and happiness come to mind. Many men and women try to make their partner happy by putting their partner's needs before theirs. This might sound like a generous this to do but, if one takes the time to analyze it, one realizes that this can only lead to unnecessary issues. 

      We are all responsible for our own happiness. Every individual has needs such as self-love that he or she is responsible for. Ignoring these vital needs is a form of suicide. By expecting someone to make one happy, one reinforces emotional dependence. This can only lead to frustration and other forms of pain. Two happy individuals who enter a relationship are more likely to share happy moments than individuals who expect someone else to bring them happiness. How does this manifest itself in everyday life?

Example A

    Paulette* is intelligent, physically attractive and has a magnetic personality. She has a large network of friends and a healthy social life. She also has many hobbies. However, things change every time she is involved in a relationship. Whenever Paulette has a boyfriend, she does not see her friends anymore. Her boyfriend really enjoys her company so she even gives up her hobbies just to 'make him happy'. As time goes on, Paulette's boyfriend feels suffocated and wants more space. Paulette feels that he is ungrateful as she has invested so much time and energy into the relationship. They break up. Paulette now finds the time to see her friends but the bond between her friends and her is weaker. Her friends are tired of Paulette's relationship cycle. Paulette gives up on relationships.

Example B

    Conroy* is easy to talk to. His presence causes people to gravitate towards him wherever he goes. His style and sense of humor are a natural part of his personality. However, he dresses down and doesn't say more than a few words to his female colleagues. His girlfriend likes it that way, she likes what she has. Conroy does not want to upset her, he wants to 'keep her happy'. As time goes on, Conroy finds it increasingly difficult to deal with this constraint. Tension begins to surface in his relationship with his girlfriend. They eventually break up.

Example C

    Dawn* and Ray* have been together for 5 years but every day feels new. They both have a life of their own and respect each other's need for one. They are happy together but remain happy when they are away from each other. They know each other's circle of friends. Their relationship is blossoming.

     What could cause the aforementioned situations to occur? Many people confuse giving of themselves with sacrificing their own needs. Low self-esteem can cause one to feel that his or her needs are important. Emptiness within people often leads to the illusion that someone else will fill that void. This can have devastating consequences in a relationship.

       Tension builds up as a result of neglecting one's needs. One might subconsciously begin to resent his or her partner. Remember that neglecting your needs prevents your partner from enjoying the 'real you'. Nobody wins in this situation. Love yourself at all times! Everything starts from within. Happiness attracts more happiness.